BlazBlue: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Kansou Tenrin no Yoroi
Summary: Ever wondered what it would feel like to have your very own Blazblue character?  Well, now you can, read and find out!
1. Noel Vermillion

_*AN1:_

_ Right, as I thoroughly enjoyed myself writing "Dangerous Tea" and because I've received encouraging reviews, I've decided to write another one~_

_ *AN2:_

_ This time, I'm using a story style you may have seen before. The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. All the credit goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Before I start, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough of my nagging. _

_Presenting..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>NOEL : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual !<strong>_

* * *

><p><em> Congratulations<em>! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated NOEL VERMILLION. To ensure that you get the best out of your NOEL VERMILLION, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information :<strong>

* * *

><p>Name : Noel Vermillion (A.K.A. Baka, Idiot, Lacking Lady, "Trash", Child of the Azure)<p>

Date of Manufacture : 25th December 2194

Place of Manufacture : Sector 7

Genetic Type : Boundary Interface Prime Field Device No.12 (Artificial Human)

Height :157cm (5'1.8")

Weight : 48kg (105.8lbs)

* * *

><p><strong>Your NOEL VERMILLION unit will come with the following accessories :<strong>

* * *

><p>One (1) NOL Officer Uniform<p>

One (1) Arcus Diabolus : "Bolverk"

One (1) NOL School Uniform

One (1) Zero-Gun : Thor/Fenrir

*Please note that the new MU-12 uniform and the Lux Sanctus : "Murakumo" are not included . You have to wait until YUUKI TERUMI unit to drive your NOEL unit insane before they are unlocked. Litchi's cosplay outfits are available on our online catalog.

* * *

><p><strong>Programming :<strong>

* * *

><p>The NOEL VERMILLION unit is generally very moe and shy. But she can turn into a terror should you decide to comment on her Mammary Glands. (And should that happen, we advice you to quickly escape.) The NOEL unit comes with the following programs.<p>

**SOLDIER **: The NOEL VERMILLION has attended school specialized just for this role. She is a very formidable force especially with her "Bolverk".

**BODYGUARD** : The NOEL VERMILLION unit's SOLDIER mode can be altered for her to keep a lookout for and protect you.

**COSPLAY** **MODEL** : Ever wanted to see what a maid outfit would look like on a cute girl, but could never find one to test out? Worry not, the NOEL VERMILLION unit can also be used as a cosplay model! She might refuse at first. But don't worry, this manual is here to help you out. Just threaten to burn her poems and she'll comply. *It is worth noting that she might break and shoot you instead. Proceed with caution*

**GIRLFRIEND**/**COMPANION** : The NOEL VERMILLION is a very shy unit. But by constantly complimenting her poems and treating her to many Kagutsuchi Puffer Fishes, the NOEL VERMILLION unit will gradually accept you.

Another warning : * If the NOEL VERMILLION unit has not fully accepted you as a companion, it is highly advised that you do not attempt to kiss/hug/go intimate with her. You might be shot.*

* * *

><p><strong>Your NOEL VERMILLION has (3) different settings :<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>ShyMoe Mode (Default setting)**

**Enraged mode**

**MU-12 (Locked)**

The default setting for your NOEL VERMILLION is set to Shy/Moe.

In this setting, the unit will constantly apologize for things that might not even require and apology. She will stutter a lot and make high-pitched squeaks when you surprise her. Its very cute.

Enraged mode will be activated when you push her "moe-ness" to the limit and can't go anymore. Her inner-robotic senses will kick in and begin to eliminate the cause of her problem. (The only way to stop this mode is to introduce a "RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE" unit to attempt to calm her down. We do not guarantee 100% success. Should the "RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE" unit fail, it is advised you run. Run as far away as possible and wait for her to calm down.)

MU-12 mode is only activated when a "YUUKI TERUMI (HAZAMA)" is introduced to her. The "YUUKI TERUMI (HAZAMA)" will release the seals "Bolverk" has placed on the NOEL VERMILLION unit, transforming her into MU-12.

In this mode, the NOEL VERMILLION will hate absolutely everything in this world, claiming they're all lies and everyone's out to get her.

***VERY IMPORTANT NOTE***

If this mode is ever triggered, pray that there is a "RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE" unit with an Idea Engine equipped. This is the only known way to stop the MU-12. If not, say your final words.

* * *

><p><strong>Relations with other units<strong>

* * *

><p>Your NOEL VERMILLION unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the most important ones will be listed instead.<p>

**RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE :** The NOEL VERMILLION unit is semi-attracted to this unit. When she interacts with this unit, she is twice as Moe. Although the RAGNA unit constantly abuses her verbally, they are quite close. The RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is the only one that can stop the NOEL VERMILLION unit in MU-12 mode.

**JIN** **KISERAGI** : Because the NOEL VERMILLION resembles the SAYA unit, the JIN KISERAGI unit never fails to throw verbal abuse at the NOEL unit.

**TAOKAKA** : The TAOKAKA unit addresses' your unit as "lacking lady" It is advised to stay away from both units when this happens as a fight is bound to start.

(Note that we will not be responsible for any damage to any units)

**TSUBAKI YAYOI** : One of the NOEL unit's best friends. This two units are very close, although they will fight due to certain "circumstances". Outside of SOLDIER mode however, they get along very well.

**YUUKI TERUMI (HAZAMA)** : AVOID THIS UNIT AT ALL COSTS. THERE IS NO TELLING WHAT WILL HAPPEN SHOULD THIS TWO UNITS ENCOUNTER EACH OTHER. WORST CASE SCENARIO BEING THE END OF THE WORLD.

* * *

><p><strong>Cleaning :<strong>

* * *

><p>The NOEL VERMILLION unit is capable of cleaning herself. Do not attempt to clean her without her consent as she is very shy. If you try to force her to, you might end up with bullets in your head. If in any event she is incapable of cleaning herself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Energy :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your NOEL VERMILLION unit is a young woman, and therefore needs as much nourishment as possible. You may give her candy treats, but keep in mind not to give her too much lest you make her fat.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)<strong>

* * *

><p>Q: My NOEL VERMILLION unit has run into a RACHEL ALUCARD unit and is being mindeffed by her words. WHAT DO I DO!<p>

A: If this happens, you should immediately get a TSUBAKI YAYOI/LITCHI FAYE LING unit to give her psychological consultation. If not properly attended to, your NOEL VERMILLION unit has a much higher chance of going into MU-12 mode.

Q: My NOEL VERMILLION just started screaming "BUGS! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!"

A: Keep in mind that your NOEL VERMILLION unit is afraid of bugs. Normally, we'd suggest just squishing the bug for her. But, in the event that you meet an ARAKUNE unit, which is technically not a bug, we advise you to introduce a LITCHI FAYE LING unit to distract the ARAKUNE unit while you drag the screaming NOEL VERMILLION unit to safety. She'll eventually calm down.

Q : NOOOO! My Noel just lost a fight! Is she dead?

A: Fret not! The Wheel Of Fate will not allow the main heroine of BlazBlue to die so easily. Your NOEL VERMILLION unit has simply passed out and will reboot/wake up later.

Q : Can I give my NOEL VERMILLION another name?

A : Actually, "NOEL VERMILLION" is not your unit's real name. If you really want to, you can try to rename her. However, it is not guaranteed that she'll respond to the name you gave her. She isn't your dog. But, you can bribe her by giving her Panda softies. Those are a very effective way of persuading your NOEL VERMILLION unit.

* * *

><p><strong>TROUBLESHOOTING :<strong>

* * *

><p>Problem : Your NOEL VERMILLION unit is constantly crying out that she isn't "flat" and just won't stop. You're afraid that she's broken or you're just really annoyed.<p>

Solution : This is what happens when you let your NOEL VERMILLION unit hang around the TAOKAKA unit too much. There is no solution. We warned you, you didn't listen. So, not our problem~ :3

With proper care and maintenance, your NOEL VERMILLION unit will lead a long and happy life (she can't die) so, you may be able to pass her on to your children or grandchildren. If you even have any, that is. So, don't worry too much and as long as you don't mock her chest size, she'll be a lovable and Moe companion.

* * *

><p><em>*Oh god, that took me so much effort to do. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading this as I have writing it.<em>

_Please, leave me a review and let me know if you'd like me to do other characters :)_

_Til next time,_

_Kansou signing out_


	2. Ragna The Bloodedge

_ *AN1:_

_ Hey guys, Kansou here. I took a look at the story stats of the "Owners Guide and Maintenance manual" and I think people really liked the Noel one. So here I am with another one. Hope you like this one as much as the previous chapter._

_ *AN2:_

_ The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. All the credit goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Once again, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough of my nagging._

* * *

><p><em>Presenting... <em>

_**RAGNA : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!**_

* * *

><p><em> Congratulations<em>! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE. To ensure that you get the best out of your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information :<strong>

* * *

><p>Name : Ragna The Bloodedge (A.K.A. The Black Beast, Insect, "Brother", Grim Reaper, Rags, "Good Guy")<p>

Date of Manufacture : 3/3/?

Place of Manufacture : Classified

Genetic Type : Human

Height :185cm (6'0.8")

Weight : 78kg (172lbs)

* * *

><p><strong>Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit will come with the following accessories :<strong>

* * *

><p>One (1) Azure Grimoire<p>

One (1) Bloodedge's Coat

One (1) Bloodedge's Sword

*Please note that the Idea Engine and Artificial Left Hand are not included in this RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit. To obtain them, get your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit to engage in a death match with a YUUKI TERUMI (HAZAMA) unit and be on the verge of death before introducing a LAMBDA 11 unit to give her Idea Engine to the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit.

* * *

><p><strong>Programming :<strong>

* * *

><p>The RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is grumpy and foul-tempered most of the time. But he does have a soft side. (Kinda like a Tsundere)<p>

*We advise you not to say that in his face. We are not liable for any harm done to you or your property should you choose not to heed our warnings.*

The RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit comes with the following programs.

**FUGITIVE **: This is your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit's default mode.

The RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE has destroyed many NOL bases in many cities and thus, is now a fugitive. Worry not though, this mode is not without its benefits. In this mode, the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE is extra careful not to get arrested. So, he will keep a watchful eye out for you (and himself) in case you (or himself) are in trouble.

**REBEL** : The RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit's "fun" mode. Watch as your unit goes around hurling vulgarities, destroying public property and beating random people up. (A.K.A. Things you'd always like to do, but never had the guts to actually attempt them.)

**BROTHER** : Although the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit's personality is not suited to be a brother to anyone, we have altered it for your pleasure.

In this mode, the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit will treat you like he treated Saya when he was younger. He'll bring you for ice cream, play video games with you, give you brotherly advice and even sleep with you at night. (If you need him to, that is.)

**BOYFRIEND/COMPANION** : Like the NOEL VERMILLION unit, the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit can also have a relationship with you. The RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE is not likely to go into a relationship with you and is more likely to be your companion, but if your persuasive enough (horror movies), he might just give in.

*Keep in mind your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE is a Tsundere, so he might be very resistant at first*

Another warning : * If the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit has not fully accepted you as a companion, it is highly advised that you do not attempt to kiss/hug/go intimate with him. Your soul might be eaten.*

* * *

><p><strong>Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE has (3) different settings :<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I-Don't-Give-A-Shit-About-Almost-Anything mode (Default setting)<strong>

**Caring mode**

**Black Beast (Locked)**

The default setting for your RAGNA THE BLODDEDGE is set to I-Don't-Give-A-Shit-About-Almost-Anything.

In this setting, the unit will give less than a damn about what goes on around him and just concentrate on destroying NOL bases or killing Yuuki Terumi. Of course, he will, once in a while, stop for food. Feel free to join him and have a meal when this happens.

Caring Mode can only be switched into when something bad happens to you. Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE will try his best to cheer you up. We suggest you pay close attention when he is in this mode as he'll struggle very hard to find words of comfort. You might even end up cheering up after seeing his desperate attempt at consoling you.

Black Beast mode is always locked. We suggest you do not attempt to unlock it lest you want to throw the world into another Dark Age.

(But if you for some stupid reason you want to do it anyways. Just play Calamity Trigger. We will not say anything more on this.)

* * *

><p><strong>Relations with other units<strong>

* * *

><p>Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the most important or funny ones will be listed instead.<p>

**JIN KISERAGI :** This is your unit's brother. The JIN KISERAGI unit has a brother complex and will constantly harass your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit. Sometimes, he just completely loses it and will attempt to kill your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE. Worry not though, the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit can handle his little brother quite well.

**RACHEL ALUCARD** : Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit finds RACHEL ALUCARD units to be a nuisance. The RACHEL ALUCARD unit thinks nothing of insulting your unit. Once again, you do not need to worry. The two units may fight, but within acceptable limits. So if that happens, be sure to get some popcorn.

**TAOKAKA** : The TAOKAKA unit seems to have the idea that your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit will feed her if she beats him up. If your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE **does** lose the fight,we suggest to cash in on her victory and have yourself a good meal. Other than that, the two units get along fine, and are even on friendly terms.

**NOEL VERMILLION**: This unit, is the poor victim of your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit's verbal abuse. He will constantly insult the NOEL unit's intelligence and shout at her at times.

However, as the NOEL VERMILLION unit looks very much like your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit's younger sister, he shows signs of concern for her and is the only one who can cancel out her "MU-12" mode.

**YUUKI TERUMI (HAZAMA)** : This unit, should be avoided, if possible. Do not care if your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit insists that he needs to kill the YUUKI TERUMI (HAZAMA) unit. It will be in everyone's interest if you just stayed clear from him.

* * *

><p><strong>Cleaning :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is capable of cleaning himself. If you try to force him to take a bath, you could end up in the hospital. If in any event your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is incapable of cleaning himself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Energy :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is constantly on the run, and therefore needs as much energy as he can get. He particularly enjoys meat dishes. So you know what to give him for treats.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)<strong>

* * *

><p>Q: My RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit just came home beaten up and is losing a lot of blood! I'm afraid he might not make it!<p>

A: Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit probably ran into a HAKUMEN unit and lost a fight. In this case, you should do what a normal person does. Call an ambulance and get him medical attention right away. If you have a LITCHI FAYE LING unit with you, even better, you can get his wounds treated on the spot.

Q: I found my RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE in my room sucking his thumb and there is a horror movie playing in my living room. What happened!

A: Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is afraid of ghosts, sadly. His curiosity probably got the better of him and played your horror movie while you weren't at home. Give him some cookies and milk and he should feel better in a few hours.

*Note that your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE might have nightmares for a few nights.*

Q : Sh*t, my RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit has been caught by the NOL. HELP!

A: It seems like you have quite a problem there. But all problems have solutions. Get a NOEL VERMILLION unit or JIN KISERAGI unit to break him out of jail. It might take a lot of convincing, but it is well worth it.

* * *

><p><strong>TROUBLESHOOTING :<strong>

* * *

><p>Problem : Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE is having recurring nightmares every night and won't stop screaming<p>

Solution : Lucky for you, this problem has a solution. But it can only be used once. You can force a memory reset by slamming his head with an IRON TAGER unit. This only works once though.

Problem : Your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE has lost all his money treating a PLATINUM THE TRINITY unit and wants his cash back.

Solution : Tell him to rob a bank. (No, seriously, he WILL do it.) If not, feel free to top up his wallet. Who knows, he might treat you to dinner. (With your money of course.)

* * *

><p>With proper care and maintenance, your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit will lead a long and not-so-happy life. But he doesn't really care. Life's full of sh*t and your RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit isn't one who'll succumb to fate. So, enjoy him to the max.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Hmmm, Ragna is so easy to poke fun at. I hope you guys have enjoyed this.<em>

_As usual, please, please, leave me a review, I really love reading them. _

_Well, that's all from me. Until next time,_

_Kansou,_

_Signing out._


	3. Carl Clover

_ *AN1:_

_ Greetings, Kansou again. I know this chapter came out pretty quick, but considering I had the time and many people were requesting characters, I decided to write one more. Chapter 3 is about Carl. I'll be doing Jin after this, so don't worry Cardlover~_

_ *AN2:_

_ The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. All the credit goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ As always, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough of my nagging._

_Presenting..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>CARL : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!<strong>_

* * *

><p><em> Congratulations<em>! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated CARL CLOVER. To ensure that you get the best out of your CARL CLOVER, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information :<strong>

* * *

><p>Name : Carl Clover(A.K.A. Shorty, Master Carl)<p>

Date of Manufacture : 5/5/?

Place of Manufacture : Austria

Genetic Type : Human

Height : 144cm (4'8.7")

Weight : 35kg (77.2 lbs)

* * *

><p><strong>Your CARL CLOVER unit will come with the following accessories :<strong>

* * *

><p>One (1) Deus Machina : Nirvana<p>

One (1) NOL School Uniform

One (1) Metal Puppet (hidden in his hat)

* * *

><p><strong>Programming :<strong>

* * *

><p>The CARL CLOVER unit is a very solitary boy. He will probably not talk to you much and instead begin speaking with his sister. (That's the doll) He also has an intense hatred for adults. So if you are one, watch your back. The little bugger might attack you while you aren't looking.<p>

*We advise you also not to lie to your CARL CLOVER unit. If you lie to him and he finds out, you can pretty much say goodbye to your life.*

The CARL CLOVER unit comes with the following programs :

**VIGILANTE **: This is your CARL CLOVER unit's default mode.

Your CARL CLOVER unit is a vigilante, a very good one at that. He will constantly travel in pursuit of wanted criminals, especially Ragna The Bloodedge. Sometimes, your CARL CLOVER might get sidetracked and go after his father instead.

*If that happens, we suggest you do whatever it takes to stop him. If he does meet his father, your CARL CLOVER unit WILL suffer from mental trauma.*

**BROTHER** : With our expert programming, we can make your CARL CLOVER unit temporarily believe that you are his real sibling. The CARL CLOVER unit makes a very good brother. He constantly cares for you and will even risk his life for you. He puts you in first priority and will do anything to make you happy. Almost like the perfect brother.

*If you set your CARL CLOVER in this mode, you might want to put the doll (Nirvana) away so he won't lose it if he finds out you've been lying to him.*

**SISCON** : A slight variation of the BROTHER program. In this mode, your CARL CLOVER unit will be extremely attracted to you. The full list of things the CARL CLOVER will do in this mode will not be listed here as they are quite inappropriate.

**BOYFRIEND/COMPANION** : What are you, a pedophile?

*Warning : If you DO set your CARL CLOVER unit into SISCON mode, make sure you are female. Cause if you aren't, he'll assume your lying about your gender.*

* * *

><p><strong>Your CARL CLOVER has (3) different settings :<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Solitary mode (Default setting)<strong>

**Enraged mode**

**Relaxed mode (Locked)**

The default setting for your CARL CLOVER is set to Solitary

In this setting, your CARL CLOVER will not speak much and ignore you. He will constantly ask you to remove yourself from his presence and if you resist, get his sister to attack you. If you do not want this to happen, you can threaten him by saying you've put a bomb in his sister and if he doesn't listen to you, she'll blow. After you do that, he'll listen to you obediently.

Enraged mode is activated when he takes a certain drug. For your own safety, we will not say which one. While your CARL CLOVER is enraged however, he will not listen to anybody. Not even you. If you threaten to blow his sister up in this setting, he'll just use his Astral to blow her up himself and she'll miraculously come back to life afterwards. So don't try it.

*Should your CARL CLOVER ever enter this setting, get a LITCHI FAYE LING unit to beat him up and calm him down. Everything should be fine after that.*

Caring mode is locked up to the point where you get a LITCHI FAYE LING unit to console him and listen to his problems. After that, he will be quite reasonable with his actions and will listen to you more often, without you having to threaten his sister.

* * *

><p><strong>Relations with other units :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your CARL CLOVER unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the most important or funny ones will be listed instead.<p>

**BANG SHISHIGAMI :** This is your CARL CLOVER unit's supposed "master". The BANG SHISHIGAMI unit will look out for your unit should he get into any trouble. However, he can be quite annoying and your CARL CLOVER unit may get ticked off after a while, so long-term interaction with this unit is not advised.

**MAKOTO NANAYA** : This is one of your unit's friends while he was at the will not want your CARL CLOVER to run into this unit too often. The first few times are okay, but after that, the MAKITO NANAYA unit will show her full "infatuation" with your CARL CLOVER unit. If that happens, your CARL CLOVER unit might be scarred for life. So once again, steer clear of this unit if possible.

**LITCHI FAYE LING** : This unit is one of the very few adults your CARL CLOVER unit trusts. She and your unit get along very well, due to the LITCHI FAYE LING unit's gentle and understanding nature. Your CARL CLOVER feels relaxed around this unit.

**RELIUS CLOVER**: Your unit's evil father. Avoid this unit at all costs. The RELIUS CLOVER unit was the one who turned your CARL CLOVER unit's mother and sister into puppets. Upon meeting this unit, your CARL CLOVER will immediately go into an enraged state and attempt to kill his father.

*Your CARL CLOVER unit **will** lose the fight, so do not let him encounter this unit.*

* * *

><p><strong>Cleaning :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your CARL CLOVER unit is capable of cleaning himself. If you try to force him to take a bath, you will and we repeat, die. If you really want to bathe a little boy that much, you can use the<p>

I-Planted-A-Bomb-In-Your-Sister trick, after which, your CARL CLOVER will gladly oblige.

* * *

><p><strong>Energy :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your CARL CLOVER unit is a growing boy and therefore needs as much nourishment as he can get. We suggest you feed him with lots of protein and calcium foods because in case you haven't realised, your CARL CLOVER isn't exactly "strong".<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)<strong>

* * *

><p>Q: Oh no, the puppet that came with my CARL CLOVER has been busted in a fight! I'm afraid my unit will lose it! What do I do?<p>

A: Do not worry. If you were not the cause of his sister's break down, your unit will not attack you. He will instead, be fixing his sister and upgrading her for future fights.

Q: I lied to my CARL CLOVER unit and now am on the run. He's gaining on me, WHAT DO I DO!

A: WE WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS. The only way to save yourself is to get a unit stronger than the CARL CLOVER unit and convince them to beat him up. (We'd suggest the BANG SHISHIGAMI unit, he's pretty easily taken in.) After that, force a memory reset with an IRON TAGER unit.

*Your CARL CLOVER unit might suffer from headaches after this, but, hey, at least your safe. *

Q : Sh*t, my CARL CLOVER unit just insisted that he had to find his father and I've tried persuading him with the I-Planted-A-Bomb-In-Your-Sister trick and it didn't work. I don't want my CARL CLOVER unit to die. HELP ME!

A: If this happens, immediately get a BANG or LITCHI unit to talk him out of it. If talking doesn't work, follow the above method and beat some sense into the little punk.

* * *

><p><strong>TROUBLESHOOTING :<strong>

* * *

><p>Problem : Your CARL CLOVER unit has been "tainted" by the MAKOTO NANAYA unit and is spacing out often.<p>

Solution : IRON TAGER to the rescue. Force a reset with the IRON TAGER unit. However, like the RAGNA unit, this only works once.

Problem : Your CARL CLOVER unit's sister has been trashed by a YUUKI TERUMI/HAZAMA and all attempts to take his own life have been foiled by you.

Solution : There is a solution for this, though it might cost you some money. **Buy** a Deus Machina : Nirvana from our online catalogue. Now available at

only 1,999,999 P$.

Problem : Your CARL CLOVER has hit puberty and you've caught him doing some "stuff" in his room.

Solution : Actually, there isn't much you can do about this problem. Every boy is bound to hit that period in his life eventually. So, might as well take it with a grain of salt, no point getting agitated about it.

* * *

><p>With proper care and maintenance, your CARL CLOVER should enter adulthood and live a good life. (As long as you don't get his sister destroyed)<p>

* * *

><p><em>At first I thought this fic was a little bland when I began writing it. But, nearer to the end, I got pretty amused I hope you've had a good laugh while reading this as well.<em>

_As always, please do leave a review. Those are like gold to me._

_Before anybody asks,I have no idea when I'm going to write the next chapter, so keep your fingers crossed._

_Til next time,_

_Kansou,_

_Signing out._


	4. Jin Kiseragi

_ *AN1:_

_ Hello, people, I am back from my hiatus. Wow.. its been like 3 months? 4 maybe?_

_In any case, I'm back and I'm back with the Jin Kiseragi fic I promised. I hope you guys enjoy it and like always, reviews are encouraged. :D_

_ *AN2:_

_ The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. All the credit goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Once again, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it. Anyways, enough of my nagging._

_Presenting..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>JIN : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!<strong>_

* * *

><p><em> Congratulations<em>! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated JIN KISERAGI. To ensure that you get the best out of your JIN KISERAGI, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information :<strong>

* * *

><p>Name : JIN KISERAGI (A.K.A. Major, Creepy Guy, Ice Man, Brother, Hero of Ikaruga)<p>

Date of Manufacture : 2/14/?

Place of Manufacture : England

Genetic Type : Human

Height : 178cm (5'10.1")

Weight : 61Kg (134.5 lbs)

* * *

><p><strong>Your JIN KISERAGI unit will come with the following accessories :<strong>

* * *

><p>One (1) NOL Uniform (Male)<p>

One (1) Pair of stylish glasses

One (1) Yukianesa

* * *

><p><strong>Programming :<strong>

* * *

><p>The JIN KISERAGI unit is selfish, arrogant and foul-tempered most of the time. But he does have a soft side, just like his older Brother, Ragna. (Must run in the family huh.)<p>

*We advise you not to say that in his face. We are not liable for any harm done to you or your property should you choose not to heed our warnings.*

The JIN KISERAGI unit comes with the following programs.

**ARROGANT BLOCKHEAD **: This is your JIN KISERAGI unit's default mode.

The JIN KISERAGI unit's default mode is set to ARROGANT BLOCKHEAD. In this mode, he thinks, acts and behaves like he is superior to everybody else. He will insist that everything goes his way and won't take no for an answer. (We suggest you don't provoke him in this mode unless you want to lose an arm or other body parts.)

**BROTHER** : The JIN KISERAGI's brotherly mode. This Mode can go one of two ways.

If your a female, be prepared to be bullied and abused by your JIN KISERAGI unit as he is not especially "fond" of Sisters.

If your a male, the JIN KISERAGI will insist that he has to stalk you to show his love. Do not be surprised if your JIN KISERAGI unit attempts to kill you. Its how he shows his love. Aww..

**CROSS-DRESSER** : Let's face it, most people who bought this unit were probably females. Since the Brother mode is utterly useless to them, we've decided to throw in something fun.

Watch as your JIN KISERAGI unit tries on Dresses, Mini-Skirts, Stockings, Maid Outfits and a whole lot more.

*Be wary though, your JIN KISERAGI unit has a limit too, so don't push him too far or he just might break.

**BOYFRIEND/COMPANION** : Once again, due to popular demand, we've installed this mode into our unit.

The JIN KISERAGI unit can also have a relationship with you, provided that you don't look like Saya/Noel. Though, the JIN KISERAGI is not likely to go into a relationship with you and is more likely to be your companion, but if your persuasive enough (Ragna toys/plushies/dolls), he might just give in.

*Keep in mind your JIN KISERAGI is a Tsundere/Yandere, so he might be very resistant at first*

Another warning : * If the JIN KISERAGI unit has not fully accepted you as a companion, it is highly advised that you do not attempt to kiss/hug/go intimate with him. You will be freezed.*

* * *

><p><strong>Your JIN KISERAGI has (3) different settings :<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Don't-Get-In-My-Way mode (Default setting)<strong>

**Yandere mode**

**Hakumen (Locked)**

The default setting for your JIN KISERAGI unit is set to **Don't-Get-In-My-Way**

In this setting, your unit will be on obsessed in doing just one thing : "Kill Brother". If you do get in his way, don't expect to live to regret it. But don't worry, there are other more "fun" modes for you to try out.

Using the latest of technologies, we're able to temporarily replace the image of Ragna The Bloodedge in Jin's mind to yours, allowing you to enjoy his **Yandere Mode**! Watch and be amused as anyone who attempts to make a hit on you is cut down by Yukianesa or freezed in ice.

**Hakumen mode** is always locked. We suggest you do not attempt to unlock it lest you want two Hakumen's running around in the same universe.

(But if you for some stupid reason you want to do it anyways, get a RACHEL ALUCARD unit to talk some sense into him. We shall say no more due to spoilers.)

* * *

><p><strong>Relations with other units<strong>

* * *

><p>Your JIN KISERAGI unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the most important or funny ones will be listed instead.<p>

**RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE :** This is your unit's brother. The JIN KISERAGI unit has a brother complex and will try every possible method to kill him as proof of his "love".

*We suggest you keep your JIN KISERAGI unit away from him as both units might end up fighting and end up damaged.

**RACHEL ALUCARD** : Like his Brother, your JIN KISERAGI unit finds RACHEL ALUCARD units to be a nuisance. Although these two units do not go along well, it is necessary for your JIN KISERAGI unit to talk to the RACHEL ALUCARD unit in order to obtain "Hakumen" mode.

**NOEL VERMILLION**: This unit, is the poor victim of your JIN KISERAGI unit's verbal and physical abuse. He will constantly insult the NOEL VERMILLIONunit's intelligence and shout at her and even might attempt to kill her.

This is because the NOEL VERMILLION unit very much resembles your JIN KISERAGI unit's younger sister, who used to monopolize RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE's time. Because of this, your JIN KISERAGI unit harbors a deep hatred for her.

**TSUBAKI YAYOI **: This is your JIN KISERAGI's childhood friend. She has a crush on your unit, but despite that, she is ordered to arrest him and will do it. Meeting with this unit has mixed reactions. Ranging from your JIN KISERAGI being arrested to more.. "steamy" stuff.

**HAKUMEN** : This unit, should be avoided, if possible. You do not want these two units to meet at any cost. The HAKUMEN unit will attempt and probably be successful in killing your JIN KISERAGI unit, since two Jin's can't exist in the same universe.

* * *

><p><strong>Cleaning :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your JIN KISERAGI unit is capable of cleaning himself. If you try to force him to take a bath, you could end up in the hospital. If in any event your JIN KISERAGI unit is incapable of cleaning himself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Energy :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your JIN KISERAGI unit is constantly on the hunt for his Brother, and therefore needs as much nutrition as he can get. We unfortunately have no idea on what type of food he favors, so, Ice Cream might be a good shot.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)<strong>

* * *

><p>Q: My JIN KISERAGI unit just came home beaten up and is losing a lot of blood! I'm afraid he might not make it!<p>

A: Your JIN KISERAGI unit probably ran into a HAKUMEN unit and lost but miraculously managed to escape. Take him to a LITCHI FAYE LING unit to get his wounds treated. He will survive.

Q: I just came back home and found a few of my Female BLAZBLUE units sprawled, knocked out cold on my floor. The Jin Kiseragi unit is also screaming "LAY OFF MY BROTHER, YOU SHAMELESS WH*RES!" whilst swinging his Yukianesa wildly. What happened and what do I do!

A: We're guessing that one of your "female units" is a RACHEL ALUCARD and she has given a RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit The Spectacles of Eros and to cut a long story short, Jin took out his competition. The solution is simple : "Give him Ragna". After that, your amusement is guaranteed.

*Note that the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit might have nightmares for a few nights.*

Q : Sh*t, my JIN KISERAGI unit has been caught by the NOL. HELP!

A: Well, well, that's quite the annoying problem there. But worry not, we have solutions!

If he was caught by a TSUBAKI YAYOI unit, get a NOEL VERMILLION unit and tell her that TSUBAKI is being unreasonable

If he was caught by a NOEL VERMILLION unit, get a TSUBAKI YAYOI unit over and tell her that they're breaking up.

* * *

><p><strong>TROUBLESHOOTING :<strong>

* * *

><p>Problem : Your JIN KISERAGI starts talking about a lot about Justice and even starts claiming himself to be "The Cold Steel". Your worried that he might turn in to a HAKUMEN unit because you think he's annoying and speaks too much about Justice.<p>

Solution : It seems like your JIN KISERAGI unit is taking another step forward to his destiny, so why stop him? Since things have already come this far, just take it that you just got a free HAKUMEN unit, sponsored proudly, by us.

* * *

><p>Even with proper care and maintenance, your JIN KISERAGI unit will probably lead a short and not-so-happy life, subjected to hunting his brother down. Hey, but at least you can have fun while he lasts.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Well, I took much reference from the Ragna fic to write this. But I'm proud to say that this turned out quite well, in my opinion.<em>

_Anyways, I'm sort of back now, seeing as it is the holidays and all, so you can expect to see more Guide and Maintenance Manuel fics coming~_

_See you guys around and thanks for the reviews!_

_Kansou,_

_Signing out._


	5. Rachel Alucard

_ *AN1:_

_ Well.. Its been about a year guys, good to see you again. About my inactivity, I'm not gonna give myself any excuses. The truth is, I got lazy and forgot about this. I apologize for any of you who were patiently expecting another chapter but were repeatedly disappointed because of my lack of motivation. Really sorry about that._

_ Anyways, here's the Rachel guide. No one requested her in particular, which is precisely why I decided to write her~ (That and because she's one of my more favored characters. XD)_

_ *AN2:_

_ The original idea of the "Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual" Series belongs to Teresa Green. All the credit goes to her._

_ *AN3_

_ Like always, I'm going to drop a warning here. There MIGHT be spoilers. So, don't read if you don't wanna risk it, etc etc.._

_Presenting..._

* * *

><p><em><strong>RACHEL : The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual!<strong>_

* * *

><p><em> Congratulations<em>! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated RACHEL ALUCARD. To ensure that you get the best out of your RACHEL ALUCARD, please read carefully the following instructions :

* * *

><p><strong>Basic Information :<strong>

* * *

><p>Name : RACHEL ALUCARD (A.K.A. Rabbit, Vampire)<p>

Date of Manufacture : 10/31/?

Place of Manufacture : Translyvania

Genetic Type : Vampire

Height : 145cm (4'9")

Weight : 31Kg (68.3 lbs)

* * *

><p><strong>Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will come with the following accessories :<strong>

* * *

><p>One (1) Gothic Lolita Dress (Ribbons included)<p>

One (1) Familiar : Gii

One (1) Familiar : Nago

*****VALKENHAYN R. HELLSING unit sold separately*

* * *

><p><strong>Programming :<strong>

* * *

><p>The RACHEL ALUCARD unit is self-conceited, arrogant and snobbish. However, this is attributed to her coming from an upper-class upbringing, so try to be more accepting okay? (The last guy that didn't got sent to the grave.)<p>

The RACHEL ALUCARD unit comes with the following programs.

**Snobbish 'Ojou-sama' **: This is your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's default mode.

The RACHEL ALUCARD unit's default mode is set to "Snobbish 'Ojou-sama'. In this mode, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is very likely to ignore your existence completely and go about her own business. Attempts to interact with her are not encouraged as you might anger her. Anger her too much, and you'll end up with spikes in your body.

(It is worth noting though, that if you, by some miraculous coincidence, Rachel's social equal,

she might decide to grace you with the opportunity to converse with her.)

**Loli** : The RACHEL ALUCARD's 'fun' mode.

By using the latest of technologies, our scientists have managed to alter your RACHEL ALUCARD's snobbish personality so much so that you probably wouldn't recognize her from a distance.

Watch as your RACHEL ALUCARD goes about clinging onto her soft toys (familiars) while following you around. She has also been stripped off almost all of her worldly knowledge and now possesses the intelligence of a regular 10-year-old-girl.

She'll tug at you for candy, whine that she's bored, ask you for hugs and much more. With this mode you're guaranteed hours of fun.

**Professor** : This mode is the equivalent of the tutorial mode Rachel. However, instead of teaching you how to best beat up the opponent, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will teach you more about the world (and how insignificant you are in it).

The Professor mode covers a wide range of relevant topics. Feel free to ask her just about anything. Our scientists have tested this mode out extensively (mostly because the responses were just pure entertainment gold) and have concluded that almost every question will be answered with the exception of the few below.

What is your real age? (Asking this gets you lightning burns)

Tell me about Vampires! (Ask this and she'll threaten to bite your neck.)

Tell me about the birds and the bees! (No scientists survived to tell us what exactly happens if you do ask this question. Best avoided.)

*Do note, if you find a question that the RACHEL ALUCARD unit refuses to answer (and survive to tell the tale), send us an email about your findings and we'll reward you with a VALKENHAYN R. HELLSING unit at a discounted price : 5,999,990 P$! That's a whole 10P$ discount!

**GIRLFRIEND/COMPANION** : What are you, a lolicon?

* * *

><p><strong>Your RACHEL ALUCARD has (4) different settings :<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Haughty(Default setting)<strong>

**Caring**

**Meddlesome (10,000 P$)**

**True Ancestor (Locked)**

The default setting for your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is set to 'Haughty'

- In this setting, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will do what she thinks she usually does, mock and humiliate you. The RACHEL ALUCARD unit recognizes that you are now her superior and a boring one at that. So although she cannot escape, her intelligence will compel her to do the next best thing, that is, to make your life difficult.

*If you find this to be an inconvenience or just outright hate to be insulted, feel free to offer her a cup of Darjeeling or two. That usually does the trick

- In Caring mode, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has been programmed to treat you like she would treat a RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit, minus all the insulting, of course.

Injured yourself? Worry not and instead, watch as your RACHEL ALUCARD unit showers you with words of pity and concern while patching you up of course.

Having life problems? Once again, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit comes to the rescue! She is programmed to give you free life consultation, so feel free to use it as much as you want.

*A word of caution here though, ask too much and you'll have your house blown away.

- In the Meddlesome setting, which is in our opinion, the most fun setting, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will take you along on her journey, messing around with the lives of various Blazblue characters.

With reactions ranging from an enraged RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit threatening to bash her up to a depressed NOEL VERMILLION unit lamenting about her sorry life, you are guaranteed hours of fun in this setting. Which is why you'll have to pay an extra 10,000 P$ for it. (Worry not, it'll be the best decision you've ever made.)

- The True Ancestor setting is only unlocked when yo-

Wait.. sorry, wrong vampire. Ignore this part of the Manual.

* * *

><p><strong>Relations with other units<strong>

* * *

><p>Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has many relations with other units. As the narrator of this story is too lazy to list them all out, the most important or funny ones will be listed instead.<p>

**RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE :** This is what your unit considers an 'existence worthy of her interest'.

Interaction with this unit is encouraged as their bouts never get too serious and actually helps both units relieve their stress. Constant teasing of the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE unit is another thing your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will partake in. So if you want a good laugh or two, you know what to do.

**VALKENHAYN R. HELLSING** : This is your unit's butler. Like any Master and Servant relationship, these two units have the best compatibility. Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit actually respects this unit, for one thing. She also enjoys his company for another. If you piss off the RACHEL ALUCARD unit when this unit is in near proximity, prepare to be ripped to shreds.

**JIN KISERAGI**: This unit is also subjected to your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's insults. However, there is a chance that the JIN KISERAGI unit might listen to your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's advice and start striving for true justice. (AKA turning into HAKUMEN)

**YUUKI TERUMI/HAZAMA : **Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit's relationship with this unit can be described in one word : destructive. Your unit absolutely loathes this unit and interaction between the two is strictly discouraged. The two units will 9 out of 10 chances, attempt to kill each other, with your unit always losing. So to avoid damage, do not let them interact.

* * *

><p><strong>Cleaning :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is perfectly capable of cleaning herself and will probably even do it better than you can ever hope to. If you try to force her to take a bath or attempt giving her a bath, you're in for a shock (Get it? Shock. Cause Rachel uses lighting? Haha, I crack myself up sometimes). If in any event your RACHEL ALUCARD unit is incapable of cleaning herself, do not machine-wash your unit. Towel-dry only.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Energy :<strong>

* * *

><p>Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit does not do much at all. She is mostly bored and will spend much of her time seeking entertainment. However, you should note that your RACHEL ALUCARD unit loves Milk Crepes and Financiers, so you know what to give her for treats. Darjeeling tea works as well.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)<strong>

* * *

><p>Q: My RACHEL ALUCARD unit just came home beaten up and is losing a lot of blood! I'm afraid she might not make it!<p>

A: Your RACHEL ALUCARD unit probably ran into a HAZAMA unit and miraculously managed to survive. Like the RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE and JIN KISERAGI units, getting her medical attention will suffice. If you have a LITCHI FAYE LING unit with you off-hand, even better! Free medical treatment.

Q: My RACHEL ALUCARD unit just offered me a pair of shady looking glasses. What the heck is that and what do I do with it?

A: Wear it. Its a pair of stylish glasses, guaranteed to improve your image. :D

Q : Help! My RACHEL ALUCARD unit has lost it and is now trying to drink my blood! What do I do!?

A: Well, it seems that after resisting her vampiric urges for so long, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has finally succumbed. Unfortunately, we do not have a solution for this problem as no one knows how to stop her bloodlust. Enjoy having heterochromia if you survive!

* * *

><p><strong>TROUBLESHOOTING :<strong>

* * *

><p>Problem : Your RACHEL ALUCARD absolutely refuses to acknowledge your existence even after offering her lots of treats and frankly, you're just getting sick of it.<p>

Solution : It seems like your RACHEL ALUCARD unit has regarded you as something even more lowly than trash. Fret not, we actually have a solution to your problem! By threatening her with bell peppers, she will be forced to notice you and take action.

It is worth noting that you are most likely going to end up fried. But hey, at least she recognized you as something, even if it was for just a second.

With proper care and maintenance, your RACHEL ALUCARD unit will lead a long, long life (Vampires don't really age), messing around with people's fates and drinking tea.

* * *

><p><em>And.. done. I'm not going to say much here..<em>

_But, did anyone manage to catch the reference I made here? If you did, good for you. :D_

_See you guys around and do drop some reviews if you have the time._

_Kansou,_

_Signing out._


End file.
